Men in COSA

Tradition Three: The only requirement for COSA membership is that our lives have been affected by compulsive sexual behavior.

As our society of recovery from co-sex addiction/sexual codependency grows and evolves, it is remarkable to note the overwhelming predominance of female COSA members, and to wonder if co-sex addiction/sexual codependency are issues that are somehow particular to women. Upon consultation with experts in human sexual research, and upon listening to our members’ stories, we find ample proof that, no, these are NOT gender-specific issues. As a result of an increase in public awareness of our plight, an increasing number of men are identifying themselves as co-addicted and seeking relief from co-sex addiction/sexual codependency, yet in your local area, you may find yourself the only male in attendance or one of a small handful of males. Recovery support does exist for you!

In the act of reaching out for help, COSA men may have concerns regarding an overwhelmingly female fellowship. Men-only meetings are not common within the COSA program at this time. We hope that some of your concerns regarding being in a minority in attending mixed meetings may be addressed within this special section.

We suggest that you talk to other men in the fellowship to get an understanding of how this program works for men. You will find that you are not alone and that balance and serenity can become a part of your daily life. As is true for all of us, men and women alike, the keys to recovery lie in working the Twelve Steps of COSA with a sponsor.

The ISO of COSA has a special e-mail address for men who want information about our program: If you are a man whose life has become unmanageable because of another’s compulsive sexual behavior and you would feel more comfortable corresponding with another man, please use this address. Your e-mail will be answered by a trusted male servant from the COSA fellowship.

Suggested Guidelines: Attend at least six meetings before deciding if COSA is for you. Try more than one COSA group, if need be. Find a temporary sponsor. We recommend choosing someone you do not feel attracted to. Talk to others both during meetings and between meetings. Develop a list of individuals with whom you feel safe. Put your recovery first. Do not let others pressure you into silence. Remember that you are entitled to your recovery. Be gentle with yourself and with others. Change does not occur overnight.